Print this page

HOW TO BE A FRIEND

Years ago, Pepper Rodgers was having a terrible season as head
coach at UCLA. He was getting a lot of criticism, from the
press, the alumni and even his wife. Pepper said, "My dog was
my only friend. When I told my wife that a man needs at least
two friends, she went out and bought me another dog."

Why do we need friends?

Charles Kingsley wrote, "It is a blessed thing for any man or
woman to have a friend; one human soul whom we can trust
utterly; who knows the best and the worst of us, and who loves
us in spite of all our faults; who will speak the honest truth
to us, while the world flatters us to our face, and laughs at us
behind our back; who will give us counsel and reproof in the day
of prosperity and self-conceit; but who will comfort and
encourage us in the day of difficulty and sorrow." In short, "A
friend is one who walks in when the world walks out."

Solomon said, "A man of many companions may come to ruin, but
there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother" (Prov.
18:24).

For two thousand years, untold num­bers of preachers have
delivered untold numbers of sermons; but their listeners still
can't live together peacefully. In this world of conflicts,
there's only one real problem, and that's people! Almost all
problems stem from people and their feelings! It's petty things
like insecurities and fears and laziness and ignorance that
slows progress. Christ said if something is a hindrance, get
rid of it! "If your right eye makes you stumble, tear it out,
and throw it from you . . ." (Matt. 5:29).

Therefore, if a touchy ego is a problem, why don't we "get rid
of it?" Life could be so pleasant if everyone was kind and
tolerant instead of hostile and touchy.

When it comes to basic Christianity, getting along with others
is the only issue. "You shall love the Lord your God. . . This
is the great and foremost commandment. The second is like it,
`You shall love your neighbor as yourself. On these two
command­ments depend the whole Law and the Prophets" (Matt.
22:37-40).

Everything else is subordinate to this. Heretical beliefs and
lax morality are not even mentioned. Christ knew those things
will take care of themselves if we get ourselves right. We're
told to "love our enemies"; but most of us need to start
practicing on our friends.

How can we do that?

I. FIRST, WE CAN QUIT "NIT-PICKING."

Some of Christ's bluntest commands concern our big mouths.
"You have heard that the ancients were told, `You shall not
commit murder'. . . But I say to you that everyone who is angry
with his brother shall be guilty before the court; and whoever
shall say to his brother, `Raca,' shall be guilty before the
supreme court . . ." (Matt 5:21-22).

Bitterness and put-downs and name calling are deadly to
spiritual development. Someone said, "Apologizing for a nasty
remark is like trying to unscramble an egg." The damage can't
be undone. Paul said, "Be devoted to one another in brotherly
love; give preference to one another . . ." (Rom. 12:10).

As Christians, we won't be offended if someone else gets credit
for our accomplishments. "Now we who are strong ought to bear
the weaknesses of those without strength and not just please
ourselves. Let each of us please his neighbor for his good, to
his edification" (Rom. 15:1-2).

As Christians we won't take things personally. We'll treat
immature associates with the same patience and understanding we
have for little chil­dren. "Love is patient, love is kind, and
is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant. . . is
not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suf­fered," (I
Cor. 13:4-5).

As Christians, we won't keep a list of the wrongs done to us,
or let our "ruffled feathers" affect our relationships. Paul
says, "Live in peace with one another and. . . be patient with
all men. . . always seek after that which is good for one
another and for all men" (I Thess. 5:13-15).

James said, "If. . . you are fulfilling the royal law,
according to the Scripture, `You shall love your neighbor as
yourself'. . ." (James 2:8).

Peter said, "To sum up, let all be harmonious, sympathetic,
brotherly, kindhearted, and humble in spirit; not returning evil
for evil, or insult for insult, but giving a blessing instead .
. . Let him . . . refrain his tongue from evil . . . Let him
seek peace . . ." (I Peter 3:8-11).

John said, "Beloved, if God so loved us, we also ought to love
one another" (I John 4:11,21).

II. NEXT, WE CAN QUIT "FINGER-POINTING."
Jesus warned us about poking our noses into things that aren't
our business and judging is never our business!

Christ said, "Tend to your­selves!" That's waht he was saying
when he said, "Why do you look at the speck that is in your
brother's eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own
eye? Or how can you say to your brother, `Let me take the speck
out of your eye,' and behold, the log is in your own eye? You
hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you
will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother's eye"
(Matt. 7:3-5).

We're not capable of judging because we don't have all the
facts. This poem says it well:

Please don't find fault with those who limp,
Or stumble on the road,
Unless you've worn the shoes they wear;
Or struggled with their load.
There may be tacks that hurt their feet,
Tho' hidden from our view.
Who knows, the burdens on their backs,
Might make you stumble too.
Don't sneer at those who're down and out,
Unless you've felt the blow,
That caused their fall or felt the shame
That only they can know.

Christ had to remind Peter of this principle. "He said to him.
. . `Simon. . . do you love Me?' Peter was grieved. . . and said
to Him, `Lord, You know all things; You know that I love You.'
Jesus said to him, `Tend My sheep. Peter, turning around, saw
the disciple whom Jesus loved following them. . . Peter
therefore. . . said to Jesus, `Lord, and what about this man?'
Jesus said to him, `If I want him to remain until I come, what
is that to you? You follow Me!' " (John 21:17,20-22).

You see, when Christ pointed out Peter's respon­si­bility, he
quickly evaded by changing the subject. We're like that too!

Judging others, for some reason, gives us a feeling of smug
superiority; but it's wrong. Only God is quali­fied to judge.
Besides, the person with the most problems is the person who is
the most critical of others. Such people spend their lives
looking for something wrong instead of something right.

A certain preacher had a effective method of dealing with
critical Christians. He kept a "Com­plaint Book" in his desk.
When a member came to tell him of another's faults, he would
say, "Okay, here's my `Complaint Book.' I'll write down what
you say, and you can sign your name to it. Then I'll take it up
with our brother." Invariably the critic would stammer, and
backtrack, and protest, "Oh, no! I couldn't sign anything like
that!" The preacher said in forty years, he's opened his
"Complaint Book" thousands of times, but he's never written a
thing in it.
So, if you aren't willing to write down and sign your name to
those ugly things you say about others, you'd better just leave
judgment to God.

III. FINALLY, WE CAN QUIT "BELLY-ACHING."

Jesus never said, "Blessed are the grumblers and gripers and
whiners and complainers." On one occa­sion, "Martha was
distracted with all her prepa­rations; and she came up to Him,
and said, `Lord, do You not care that my sister has left me to
do all the serving alone? Then tell her to help me.' But the
Lord answered and said to her, `Martha, Martha, you are worried
and bothered about so many things; but only a few things are
necessary, really only one, for Mary has chosen the good part,
which shall not be taken away from her' " (Luke 10:40-42).

On another occasion, "Someone in the crowd said to Him,
`Teacher, tell my brother to divide the family inheritance with
me.' But He said to him, `Man, who appointed Me a judge or
arbiter over you?' And He said to them, `Beware, and be on your
guard against every form of greed; for not even when one has an
abundance does his life consist of his possessions' " (Luke
12:13-15).

On still another occasion the mother of James and John
approached Jesus, "And He said to her, `What do you wish?' She
said to Him, `Command that in Your kingdom these two sons of
mine may sit, one on Your right and one on Your left.' And
hearing this, the ten became indignant with the two brothers.
But Jesus called them to Himself, and said, `You know that the
rulers of the Gentiles lord it over them, and their great men
exercise authority over them. It is not so among you, but
whoever wishes to become great among you shall be your servant'
" (Matt. 20:21,24-26).

In each of these cases, Christ totally ignored the complaints
and zeroed in on the complainers. He knew that's always where
the problem lies! We tend to see in others the problems that
plague us. We tend to condemn in others the sins that affect
us. In short, we reveal our own weaknesses every time we point
a finger or react in a defensive manner!

Friends don't nit-pick or finger-point or belly-ache. The
worst thing about nit-picking, finger-point­ing and belly-aching
is that they are contagious. We've all seen how one defective,
broken down car on a narrow bridge can clog up traffic and
inconve­nience motorists. It's the same in church and in life.
One insecure, touchy member can affect the entire congregation
and the entire world.

Once a Christian heard that a certain man had been criticizing
him. So, he went to the critic and said, "Please be kind enough
to tell me my faults personally so that I may correct them."
The tale-bearer was surprised, but he finally agreed. Then the
Christian said, "But, first, will you lead us in a prayer that I
may be able to eliminate the flaws that you reveal to me?"
After prayer, the Christian said, "Now tell me what you've noted
in my life that disturbs you so much." The critic shook his
head and said, "You know, after praying about them, they look so
petty that they're not worth talking about."

That's usually the case. Friends don't nit-pick, finger-point
or belly-ache. Friends accept, approve and appreciate each
others. Let's be friends!

****
(WordCount1790)

This message is from an unpublished manuscript © copyrighted by
Miles and Maralene Wesner, Idabel, OK. Please use it in any way
you think appropriate. The only thing we ask is that you give
credit for original material in published works.

Material in our sermons usually present the Gospel from a
psychological point of view.

OUR RATIONALE:

We are not political! We are not against anyone. And we have
no doctrinal agenda. Rather, after many years of pastoring
small churches and teaching (especially college students, who
represent the next generation), we have chosen to emphasize
certain very relevant, neglected aspects of the Gospel-namely:
personal discipline (maturity and responsibility); family
relationships (marriage and child rearing); general life skills
and common sense.
Our social problems today prove that these characteristics are
so important. Young people need them and are asking for them.
We are semi-retired-still teaching and ministering on a part
time basis. All we're really interested in now is using our
experience to help others. If you would like our Sermon
Service/New Perspectives, please avail yourself of them. There
is no obligation.
We also have much of this information in books-provided to you
at cost while the supply lasts.

Sermons with the "I" prefix are from our "What's the Good Word"
Series;
II from our "Pitfalls on the Path of Life"
III are sermons for special days and occasions.

EMAIL SERMON SERVICE/ NEW PERSPECTIVES is a free service from
Diversity Press.

My ministry has been blessed immeasurably by reading other
people's sermons. When I started preaching 56 years ago, I
waited for "inspiration" (usually Saturday night, about
midnight) before I began my sermon preparation. Then, I
discovered it wasn't inspiration at all-it was sheer PANIC. I
would have welcomed this service.

Comments are always welcome. (Please indicate if you do not want
your comments to appear in New Perspectives).

If you would like to receive sermons by Email (Email Sermon
Service) send us your Email Address. We do not share addresses
with anyone without your permission.

Miles E Wesner