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ENCOURAGEMENT REQUIRES POSITIVE RESPONSES

Hebrews 10:24-25

July 17, 2005

Encouragement requires positive responses; and to have positive
responses we must stay calm, exercise restraint and mediate conflicts with
each other.

An old hunter said, "One lesson I learned from my dog was that he could
kill a skunk, but it just wasn't worth the trouble.  It's the same with
us.  In marriage or business dealings or church decisions, fighting
over trivial issues and obscure doctrines is like killing a skunk.  It's
not worth the price you have to pay.

Today we have spouse abuse; road rage and gang violence.  Such
unresolved anger is even affecting our spiritual lives and causing church
splits.  If visitors witness "Wednesday Night at the Fights" in a business
meeting, they won't be back.  An old sheep herder in Wyoming observed
the behavior of wild animals in the winter.  He said, "Packs of wolves
would sweep into the valley and attack the bands of wild horses.  The
horses would form a circle with their heads at the center of the circle
and kick out at the wolves, driving them away.  But when the wolves
attacked a band of wild donkeys, these animals also formed a circle, but
they formed it with their heads out toward the wolves.  When they began to
kick, they ended up kicking one another.  We also have a choice.  We
can kick the problem or we can kick one another.  In religious circles
today, many seem to be more likely to kick one another.

This undermines both our purpose and our mission.  A sports fan
said, "I watched a college football game on television.  Excitement ran
high because top spots in the national ranking were at stake.  But from
the opening kickoff, both teams seemed to be looking for a fight
instead of a win.  With every punt return, every questionable call, tempers
flared and scuffles broke out.  Finally, an all-out brawl erupted.  The
referees tried to separate players, calm everybody down and then
determine the appropriate penalties.  Several home team players were ejected
from the field and they eventually lost the game.

In later interviews, sportscasters asked why the players got sucked
into the melee.  The explanation: "We got distracted by the lesser of two
goals, winning the fight instead of winning the game."  As Christians,
we must not do that.

Many Scriptures emphasize the need for peace.  Jesus said, "Be at peace
with each other" (Mark 9:50b).

Paul said, "For God is not a God of disorder but of peace . . ." (I
Cor. 14:33).

James said, "Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow
to become angry" (James 1:19).

A spirit of love and peace must prevail in the church.  As Christians,
we need to have positive responses toward each other.

To have a positive response:

I.  WE MUST STAY CALM.

A writer said, "Not long ago, I had a conversation in my living room
with a delightful seventy-year-old lady.  She was visiting us from out of
town and I asked her what made her such a happy person.  She told me,
"You know, Marie, it's funny.  When you get to be my age and you look
back on the past you see how much time you wasted being concerned over
things that really didn't matter at all.  Here I am, almost fifty years
later, and it really doesn't matter that my son left the bathroom light
on when he was a child, or that my husband came home late some
evenings, or that I spent too much money on lettuce, or that apple juice was
spilled on the carpet.  I remember getting so excited and so upset over
things that really were inconsequential in the total scheme of things. 
Now I know that what really matters is loving God with a pure heart and
loving others with patience and compassion."

Christians must be the calming influence in the midst of controversy. 
Abraham exemplified this response.  Once when his servants and his
nephew, Lot's servants were at odds, "Abram said to Lot, 'Let's not have
any quarreling between you and me, or between your herdsmen and mine, for
we are brothers' " (Gen. 13:8).

David said, "How good and pleasant it is when brothers live together in
unity!" (Psa. 133:1).
Solomon said, "When a man's ways are pleasing to the Lord, he makes
even his enemies live at peace with him" (Prov. 16:7).

And, "It is to a man's honor to avoid strife, but every fool is quick
to quarrel" (Prov. 20:3).
There is a plant called the "Skunk Cabbage" that has a special quality
of radiating warmth.  It actually melts the snow around it and allows
for early growth in the spring.  That's what we should do as Christians. 
We must stay calm.  Paul said, "If it is possible, as far as it depends
on you, live at peace with everyone" (Rom. 12:18).

Then, to have a positive response:

II.  WE MUST EXERCISE RESTRAINT.

A radio announcer said, "I sometimes get bitter letters attacking
something I've said.  I've learned that this bitterness is not really
directed at me, but at people who have deeply hurt the letter writers.  I
write back to these people, accepting where they are coming from.  I tell
them I wish I knew what had happened in their past because I'd like to
help them.  About half the time they write back and say, "Yes, you're
right.  I had a bitter experience with my pastor, or my father, or a
friend, and it has stayed with me all this time."

So, when people are bitter toward you, step back and see if they are
reacting to a hurt they experienced a long time ago.  Then treat them
with love and understanding.

Now, we're not required to be "doormats."  But, being overly defensive
and touchy reveals immaturity and insecurity.

In order to exercise restraint we can ignore many trivial aggravations
and we can refuse to take every slight personally.  Often we're just
caught in the middle of someone's misplaced anger.  Most people carry
around bottled up hostility because they can't express their feelings. 
Then, some little thing happens and they snap. 

One lady said, "I was serving on a committee with a woman who vetoed
every idea I suggested and made subtly insulting remarks.  My first
thought was, "Wow!  What's she got against me?"  My ego had been stepped on
and it hurt.  Then those words, "I am not the target," came to my
rescue.  I was quite sure I had done nothing to offend this woman.  Maybe
she'd had a fight with her husband or was worried about something, or
simply wasn't feeling well.  Once I realized that, I was able to pray for
her."

When someone seems hostile toward you for no apparent reason, say, "I
am not the target."

We can even turn negatives into positives.  Entertainer Gary Moore told
of an old man named Ling Toy who, for years, had owned a restaurant in
his neighborhood.  One day a young man named Wong opened a restaurant
across the street.  Ling Toy was distressed about the competition and
began to spread rumors about Mr. Wong-how his kitchen was "dirty" and how
he was too young to know "the real art of Chinese cuisine."

None of this, however, seemed to disturb Wong.  Whenever someone told
him what old Ling Toy had said about him, Wong would reply, "You must be
mistaken, Ling Toy could not possibly have said that.  He's much too
fine a man."

Slowly Wong's good words filtered back to Ling Toy, and he was so
shocked that he walked across the street and introduced himself.  It marked
the beginning of a long friendship.

As Christians we must exercise restraint.  Solomon said, "A gentle
answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger" (Prov. 15:1).

Finally, to have a positive response:

III.  WE MUST MEDIATE CONFLICTS.

There is no spiritual gift more needed, than that of mediator, or
peacemaker.  A person who is tactful and level headed increases harmony.  A
person who can sooth ruffled feathers is a valuable asset to any
organization.

There is an old Persian proverb which says, "Blessed is he who speaks a
kindness; thrice-blessed he who repeats it to the person who has been
complimented."  Receiving praise in this fashion is really more
rewarding than getting it firsthand, because you know no flattery or
insincerity are involved.

Dr. Peale's wife said, "Years ago my husband, Norman, was assigned to a
church where a bitter controversy was going on between two factions in
the congregation.  Each was led by a strong-minded lady; and neither
would speak to the other.  Norman waited until he heard one of the
adversaries admit grudgingly that her rival was a fairly good cook.  When he
repeated this to the other lady, and revealed the source, she was
startled into saying something faintly positive about her opponent.  Back
went Norman with this little fragment of kindness, and gradually the
walls that separated the two warring groups came tumbling down."

Why not listen for these casual compliments and pass them on?  You'll
please a lot of people if you do; and you'll be "thrice-blessed."

Instead of feeding malicious gossip, we must try to extinguish it. 
President Harry Truman said, "The Buck stops here."  We should say, "The
rumor stops here."  Refuse to listen to destructive tales.  Express
different viewpoints.  Give alternative explanations when possible and
never pass on a hurtful or negative statement.  Instead, be eager to pass
on any helpful or positive statements.

As Christians we must mediate conflicts.  Jesus said, "Blessed are the
peacemakers, for they will be called sons of God" (Matt. 5:9).

Encouragement includes staying calm, exercising restraint and mediating
conflicts.  Legend says that once upon a time the mouth, the hands and
the feet said to each other, "We do all the work gathering food and
chewing it up, but that lazy fellow, the stomach, does nothing.  It's high
time he did some work too, so let's go on strike!"  Whereupon, they
went many days without working, but soon found themselves feeling weaker
and weaker until at last each of them realized that the stomach was
their stomach, and that they would have to go back to work to remain alive.

It's the same with us.  We're in this together.  We must not fight
among ourselves.  That's deadly!  Jesus said, "A house divided against
itself cannot stand." 

A woman said, "I learned something one day when I was in the middle of
an argument with my husband.  I was upset because he hadn't picked up
my prescription at the pharmacy.

"Here it is, right on the list!  Bank, post office, pharmacy,
cleaners."  I waved the card at him.  "What's the sense of having a list if you
don't look at it?"

My husband gritted his teeth.  I could see his jaw tensing.  Silence!

Finally, he answered me, "Why do you focus on the one thing you think
I've forgotten and ignore all the other things I did right?  How about a
little gratitude that I did errands for you in the first place?"

Then, he continued, "The truth is, I did go to the pharmacy , but they
wouldn't refill your prescription.  You have to see the doctor first."

Boy, did I feel foolish!  Then it hit me.  I was operating on what's
called  the 80-20 principle!  My husband does okay more than 80 percent
of the time, but I seem to focus on the 20 percent that isn't good.

Can you stay calm in chaos; exercise restraint when under attack; and
mediate conflicts when they arise?  That's "pouring oil on trouble
waters."  The Scripture says, "Let us consider and give attentive,
continuous care to watching over one another, studying how we may simulate to
love and helpful deeds and noble activities; Not forsaking or neglecting
to assemble together, as is the habit of some people, but . . .
encouraging-one another . . ." (Heb. 10:24-25a, Amp.)

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This message  is from an unpublished manuscript © copyrighted 2005 by
Miles and Maralene Wesner, Idabel, OK.  PLEASE FEEL FREE TO USE THEM IN
ANY WAY YOU THINK IS APPROPRIATE.  The only thing we ask is that you
give credit for original material in PUBLISHED works. 

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