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PITFALLS ON THE PATH OF LIFE
II-3 LACK OF MATURITY

Someone said, "Being an adult is hard. It would be much easier
to just skip it and go from one childhood to the next."

Well, many people are doing just that. Immaturity is rampant.
The writer of Hebrews was evidently disgusted that some new
Christians had failed to grow. He said, "By this time you ought
to be teachers, you need someone to teach you . . . You need
milk, not solid food! Anyone who lives on milk, being still an
infant, is not acquainted with the teaching about righteousness.
But solid food is for the mature, who by constant use have
trained themselves to distinguish good from evil" (Heb. 5:12-14).

According to the dictionary, being mature means being completely
and fully developed. But reaching maturity is a process. We
grow in different areas.

A great scientist said, "We're technical giants but ethical
midgets." The Scriptures say, "Jesus grew in wisdom and
stature, and in favor with God and men" (Luke 2:52).

In other words, we grow intellectually, physically, Spiritually
and socially. A person may be 47 years old chronologically, but
only four years old emotionally. Once a woman called a
psychologist and said, "I need help. My son has a tree house
and he wants to live up there all the time." The doctor
laughed. "Oh, it's probably just a phase. He'll get over it!"
"Yeah," answered the mother, "But now he wants his wife and kids
to move up there with him."

To be mature, we must look, think, feel and act as an adult. A
person who is totally selfish and ego-centric; who constantly
whines and throws pity parties; who only talks about "me" and
"my" and "mine" is not mature.

A person who has his wants and needs mixed up; who is never
satisfied and is always chasing something new and novel; who
tries to keep up with the "Jones" is not mature.

A person who has no ability to delay gratification; who wants
everything right now without paying the price; who will trade
away a productive tomorrow in order to have a brief pleasure
today is not mature.

Paul said, "When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought
like a child I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put
childish ways behind me" (I Cor. 13:11).

Immaturity causes many of our personal and social problems. We
lack maturity because of ego-centrism, unmet needs
andundeveloped deferred gratification patterns.

I. EGO-CENTRICITY.

The first indication of immaturity is ego-centricism. Now,
every living organism is somewhat ego-centric. Selfishness is a
survival instinct. To every child, the time is "now"; the place
is "here"; and the person is "me!" A mother said, "When our two
boys both wanted a piece of pie, I said, 'One can cut and the
other will choose first.' My decision apparently worked because
there was no further bickering."

Being ego-centric means that "My" aching tooth is much more
important to me, than a famine in Bangladesh or an earthquake in
China. This is normal and it can even be positive in a crises;
but we must grow beyond it.

Many primitive instincts were once necessary for our survival,
but maturity means finding more humane and productive ways to
respond. Paul said, "Nobody should seek (just) his own good,
but the good of others" (I Cor. 10:24).

Being ego-centric causes pain to those around us. Immature
couples divorce to "find pleasure" and do great injury to
children and loved ones. Some people drink or do drugs and say,
"It's my body and my business"; but no man is an island.
Everything we do affects our family and friends and community.
Robert Barton, a popular American cartoonist left this note when
he committed suicide: "I have run from wife to wife; from job
to job; from house to house and from country to country in a
ridiculous effort to escape from myself; and in doing so, I've
hurt a lot of people."

Such individuals are "takers." They want all the credit; all
the attention; and all the rewards.

Unselfishness is essential for both maturity and sanity. A
psychologist says, "One of the first marks of recovery in a
mental patient is when he begins to show concern for other
people."

Jesus wasn't ego-centric. He said, "The Son of Man did not come
to be served, but to serve . . . ." (Matt. 20:28).

II. UNMET NEEDS.

The next indication of immaturity is having a lot of unmet
needs. Certain things are essential if we're to live and grow.
Everyone needs air, food and water; but human beings also need
emotional, mental and Spiritual fulfillment. Some universal
needs are shared by all people. Other particular needs are
specific to the individual.

Now, these needs are legitimate. We don't have to be apologetic
about them. Little children are honest. They ask for what they
need. But, too often as adults, we learn to deny or suppress
our needs. This is unproductive because when our needs aren't
met, we feel dissatisfied and frustrated. A social worker said,
"It's as if I carry a large pail of water and give a drink to
each person I meet. Then, by evening, when I'm very tired and
thirsty, I find the pail is empty.

Needs are experienced at different levels. starving person
isn't concerned about art or education. Once the physical needs
are met, we become concerned with safety needs. Then, when we
feel secure, we move to the third level which includes needs for
affection, appreciation and social acceptance. Finally, the
need for a sense of significance becomes important. Paul
reassured us that "God will meet all your needs . . . ." (Phil.
4:19).

In fact, we must have our basic needs filled before we can begin
to help others. Our lives operate like bank accounts-with
deposits and withdrawals. Those around us make deposits
through concern and support and validation. They take make
withdrawals by showing unconcern, lack of support and criticism.

Unmet needs cause problems. If needs are unfulfilled, we'll try
to cope with artificial substitutes. That's why people use
drugs, commit crimes and become promiscuous.

We also confuse wants with needs. In the physical area, food,
clothing and shelter are needs. Everything else is a want.

Sometimes we must dig deep to find the real needs beneath the
superficial wants. We want many things only because we think
they will fill our needs. For instance, a woman might want a
vacation for excitement; for rest; or for escape. A man might
want a red sports car for adventure; for fun; or for status. In
fact, most possessions and activities are simply symbols people
use in their search for "the real thing."

Jesus' needs were filled by His Heavenly Father! He said, "The
pagan world runs after all such things, and your Father knows
that you need them. But seek his kingdom, and these things will
be given to you as well" (Luke 12:30-31).

III. DEFERRED GRATIFICATION.

The final indication of immaturity is having an undeveloped
(DGP) Deferred Gratification Pattern. The desire for instant
gratification is wrecking our society. Paul said, "If we hope
for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently" (Rom.
8:25).

Today people are consumed by desires to buy things they don't
need, with money they don't have, to impress people they don't
like.

We are impulsive. We don't consider the consequences of our
actions. We don't connect causes and effects. This is
especially true if the effects are not immediately evident. We
say, "I'll do what I want to now and worry about the results
later."

We're impatient. We can't wait. We take short cuts. We skip
steps. We want rewards without effort. We buy now and pay
later.

Too many of us have the mentality of the man who said, "This
year I plan to live within my means even if I have to borrow to
do it."
One desperate debtor said, "I'd give back all the cheese if I
could just get out of this trap." Another man's credit card had
been missing for a year. When asked why he hadn't reported it,
he replied. "Well, whoever has it is spending less than my wife
was."

In fact, a deferred gratification pattern is not even considered
a value in our materialistic society. Yet, according to
research, DGP is the one criteria that determines success. A
Vietnamese couple arrived in Houston in 1972. Le Van Vu and his
wife were flat broke and spoke no English. A cousin who had a
bakery in a mall let them live in a back room and work in the
shop. Their total annual income was $15,600. The cousin
offered to sell them the bakery for $30,000 down, and finance
the remaining $90,000.

With a weekly income of $300, Le and his wife lived in the back
room, took sponge baths in the mall's restrooms, and ate the
left-over bakery goods. In two years they saved enough for the
down payment.

Le explained, "If we got an apartment, we'd have to pay the
rent. Then, we'd have to buy furniture. We'd have to buy a
car. Then we'd have to buy gasoline and insurance. I knew if
we got that apartment, we'd never save $30,000."

There's even more to this story. After they made the down
payment they still owed $90,000. So Le and his wife decided to
keep living in that back room for another year. They saved
every nickel of profit, paid off the $90,000 note, and owned the
business free and clear.

Then, and only then did the Van Vu's get their first apartment.

The Scriptures support such frugality. Solomon said, "The plans
of the diligent lead to profit as surely as haste leads to
poverty. He who loves pleasure will become a poor man . . ."
(Prov. 21:5,17);

Jesus had deferred gratification. He said, "Store up for
yourselves treasures in heaven . . . ." (Matt. 6:20).

CONCLUSION:

So, how can we grow to maturity? Well, maturity includes
balance. We should be concerned about ourselves. We are
certainly responsible for taking care of our health and safety.
But, being so self-absorbed that we neglect or harm others is
wrong. Paul said, "Each of you should look not only to your own
interests, but also to the interests of others" (Phil. 2:4).

We should try to get our needs met, because as long as we are
hurting, we can't be reasonable, or empathetic, or altruistic.
But unreasonable wants can become insatiable. We have much to
be grateful for, but it's human nature to take the good things
for granted. In fact, our brain actually filters out anything
that isn't hurtful, fearful or strange. This automatic process
helped our fore-bearers separate beasts from rocks; but today,
the same device filters out our blessings almost as soon as we
get them. After a few days or weeks the "new thing" that was so
wonderful becomes mundane because we've become accustomed to it.

We should enjoy some pleasures today; but when we are too
impulsive and impatient, we destroy our future.

Maturity is extremely important for Christians. Paul said,
"Until we all reach unity in the faith and . . . become mature .
. . Then we will no longer be infants . . . blown here and there
by every wind of teaching and by the cunning and craftiness of
men in their deceitful scheming. Instead, speaking the truth in
love, we will in all things grow up into him who is the Head,
that is, Christ" (Eph. 4:13-15).

Jesus said, "Small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to
life, and only a few find it" (Matt. 7:14).

In order to find the narrow path that leads to abundant life, we
must overcome ego-centrism, have legitimate needs filled and
learn to delay personal gratification.

Becoming mature makes Christians more altruistic and less
judgmental. Becoming mature makes Christians more fulfilled and
less materialistic. Becoming mature makes Christians more
prudent and less impulsive.

James said, "Perseverance must finish its work so that you may
be mature and complete . . ." (James 1:4).

****

(Word Count 2008)

These messages are from an unpublished manuscript © copyrighted
by Miles and Maralene Wesner, Idabel, OK. Please use them in
any way you think appropriate. The only thing we ask is that
you give credit for original material in published works.

Sermons with the "I" prefix are from our "What's the Good Word"
Series;
II from our "Pitfalls on the Path of Life"
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Miles E. Wesner