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THE GOSPEL RESOLVES CONFLICT

(Luke 10:38-42)
October 4, 2009

An amusing verse says:

    To live above with the saints we love—
        Ah, that’s the purest glory.
    But to live below with the saints we know—
        Well, that’s a different story!

    Conflict among Christians is destructive. 

    The good news of the Gospel resolves conflict.  Conflict includes jealousy, hostility and discord.  If the Gospel can resolve these negative issues, then it’s truly good news.

    But how does it do that?

    Another humorous verse describes our attitude this way:

    In matters controversial,
        my perception is just fine. 
    I always see both points of view. 
        The one that’s wrong, and mine!

    All of us are ego-centric.  That means we think everyone should be just like us.  All of us have self-preservation instincts.  That means we look out for “number one.”  All of us react with anger when we feel threatened.  Now, these attitudes are natural, but they must be analyzed and controlled.  We must take care of ourselves, but we must also reach beyond ourselves.  Paul said, “Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others” (Phil. 2:4, niv).

    We can discover our weak points by paying attention to what makes us angry.  For instance, if you get angry when someone is served a bigger slice of pie than you are, that indicates that either food or fairness is important to you.  If you get angry when someone makes fun of your clothes, that indicates that either fashion or people’s approval is important to you.  If you get angry when someone criticizes your children, you may be protecting your children, or you may be protecting your own ego as a “good parent.”  Our motives are always mixed.

    Now, we can’t quit being angry about these things simply by trying hard or putting on a “happy face.”  Instead, we must get our priorities in order.  Then, when we are neglected or criticized, anger will not be our first response.

    Jesus tried to teach this lesson to two sisters.  Let’s consider Jesus’ encounter with Mary and Martha.  “Martha had a sister named Mary.  Mary was sitting at Jesus’ feet and listening to him teach.  Martha became angry because she had so much work to do.  She went in and said, ‘Lord, don’t you care that my sister has left me alone to do all the work?  Tell her to help me!’  But the Lord answered her, ‘Martha, Martha, you are getting worried and upset about too many things.  Only one thing is important.  Mary has chosen the right thing, and it will never be taken away from her;” (Luke 10:39-42).

    Now, what happened in this story?

I.  FIRST, MARTHA FELT REJECTED.

    She was jealous and envious of her sister, Mary.  It’s human nature to want a fair shake.  That’s why children push and shove to be first.  That’s why businesses compete for customers, and that’s why siblings have such rivalries.  We all need acceptance.

    We don’t know if Mary and Martha had a pattern of disagreements  and conflicts, but many relatives and friends do.  We can even understand why Martha complained.  She was working hard to provide a good meal, and an attractive table for Jesus; and seeing her sister sit there and do nothing to help seemed unfair.  But squabbling really accomplishes nothing.

    An old English philosopher compared the competitive notions of society to a barnyard.  “Here is a flock of hens,” he said.  “They are scratching in the yard for worms.  One old hen digs up a whopper and runs cackling off to eat it.  Another old hen, seeing the good fortune of sister hen, says, ‘Well, look what she’s got,’ and chases after her.  Since life is a survival of the fittest,  there’s a battle.  They lose half the worm in the battle, and each gets a scrawny bit of the other half.”

    The writer concludes, “Now, if that hen had shown the good sense to go on scratching for herself, if she had used the same amount of energy she wasted fighting sister hen, she might have had six fat worms instead of a little piece of one, that was dusty and full of grit.”

    Jealousy doesn’t pay!  Paul said, “We must not make trouble with each other.  And we must not be jealous of each other” (Gal.  5:26, edb).
    James said, “Where there is jealousy and selfishness, there will be confusion and every kind of evil” (James 3:16, edb).

    If Martha had understood the Gospel, she would have known that Jesus loved and accepted her as much as he did Mary, and she wouldn’t have felt rejected and jealous.

II.  NEXT, MARTHA FELT HUMILIATED.

    She was hostile because she felt used.  She was having a pity party.

    It’s interesting that the main problem probably wasn’t the actual physical labor.  Instead, she resented the fact that Jesus didn’t seem to care about her and her efforts.  Furthermore, she expected him to take her side and force Mary to do her part.

    Was her anger justified?  Well, we can empathize with her feelings.  Nobody likes to be the goat in a project.  All of us want appreciation for our struggles.  But, there were priorities involved.  Occasionally we become angry for a righteous cause, but ninety-nine percent of the time we become angry because we are selfish and impatient. 

    Once, two unmarried sisters lived together.  Because of a slight disagreement over an insignificant issue, they stopped speaking to each other.  Unable to move out of their small house, they continued to use the same rooms, eat at the same table, and sleep in the same bedroom.  They did all this without saying one word to each other.  A chalk line divided the sleeping area into two halves.  Each could come and go, cook and eat, sew and read if they did it without crossing over into the other sister’s domain.  Through the night each could hear each other breathing . . . but because neither was willing to take the first step to reconciliation, they coexisted for years in grinding silence.

    Such silly skirmishes would be hilarious if they weren’t so damaging.  It’s one thing to stand firm on moral issues; it’s another thing to pick fights over jots and tittles.

    It was a good thing to feed Jesus a delicious meal.  It was a good thing to arrange a comfortable and attractive table for his enjoyment; but what Mary did was a better thing.  She was learning and sharing and growing spiritually.  Our actions show what’s really important to us.  We can’t do everything and Mary chose the higher priority.

    Anger is a legitimate emotion, but it needs to be appropriate.  It needs to be directed at injustice and evil, not at our fellow human beings, who may be aggravating our ego.  Aristotle said, “Anyone can become angry, but to become angry with the right person, to the right degree at the right time, for the right purpose and in the right way—this isn’t easy!”

    William James said, “The deepest need in human nature is the craving to be appreciated.

    If Martha had understood the gospel, she would have known that she was appreciated, for her own efforts, and she wouldn’t have been angry.

III.  FINALLY, MARTHA WAS FRUSTRATED.

    She created discord in her family by complaining about her situation.  She criticized both Mary and Jesus for allowing it to happen.
    Now, Martha should have expressed her feelings honestly, but positively.  She should have used “I language.”  Instead of trying to control Mary and manipulate Jesus by guilt, she could have said, “I feel abandoned and unappreciated when you leave all the work for me to do.”

    Then, she could have asked for a specific response.  If she needed some help, for instance, She could have said, “I need someone to help me set the table,” or, “I would like for you to watch the food for a moment while I carry out the trash!”  Instead, she attacked.  We need to use positive words rather than complaints.

    The story is told of an Italian monk who went to a monastery in Spain.  One of the requirements was perpetual silence.  The monks were allowed to speak after two years, and then they were permitted to say only two words.  After two more years went by, they were allowed to say two more words, and so on.  Every two years, they could say two words.

    After the first two years had passed the new monk was called before his superior to make his first statement.  The monk’s first two words were, “Bed hard.”

    Two more years passed.  His next two words were, “Food bad.”

    Another two years passed and his words were, “I quit!”

    The superior looked at him and said, “That doesn’t surprise me.  All you’ve done since you’ve been here is complain, complain, complain.”

    Well, that’s probably an exaggeration, but life is short.  We miss the best things in life when we spend our time complaining.

    If Martha had understood the gospel, she would have realized that we’re all different and we each have special interests and ways of serving.  Then, she would have enjoyed her contribution and allowed Mary to enjoy hers.

    It’s significant that Mary didn’t criticize Martha for not sitting and learning from Jesus.

CONCLUSION:

    So, the good news of the gospel resolves conflicts.  The story of Mary and Martha shows what jealousy and hostility and discord can do to a relationship.  There are too many tragedies and heartaches and truly important issues to spend our time on gnats.

    Once, a single mom had a teen age son who got home each day before she did.  He always faced a list of chores to be done.  One day she arrived and found that he had forgotten to start the dishwasher.  Furthermore, she was slated to speak that night in a seminar on “World Affairs.”

    In true mother fashion, she ranted and rave and blamed.  The kid was wise.  He simply grinned and said, “Yeah, Mom!  And, when you give your speech tonight, say, ‘There are terrorists.  There’s world hunger.  People are dying of awful diseases, children are being abused, but worst of all, my son forgot to start the dishwasher.”

    We may laugh at his perceptive response.  We know life is difficult and all of us have faults and make mistakes, but how we handle these little irritations makes a big difference.

    Jesus had no patience with “nit-pickers.”  Martha’s problem with Mary was very insignificant in the grand scheme of things.  The gospel can help us avoid jealousy because it tells us we are ALL equal in God’s eyes.  He loves us and understands our motives and remembers our efforts.  It can help us use anger for important issues like oppression and human suffering.  It can help us learn to express our anger about personal issues sparingly, productively and briefly.  So it doesn’t turn into resentment. 

    It can teach us to be open and honest about our needs without grumbling and nagging.  It can give each person the right to serve as they see fit.  And above all, it can keep us from trying to control and criticize others and their choices.

    The good news of the gospel resolves conflict.

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(WC1877)

Copyrighted 2009 by Miles and Maralene Wesner, Idabel, OK.  PLEASE FEEL FREE TO USE THIS MESSAGE IN ANY WAY YOU THINK IS APPROPRIATE.  The only thing we ask is that you give credit for original material in PUBLISHED works.