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FIVE FOOLISH FAULTS
(Rom. 12:18)

In a Peanuts’ cartoon, Linus said, “Oh, I love mankind. It’s just people I can’t stand!”
Well, all of us know difficult people and some of us may even be difficult at times. But the Scripture says, “Do your best to live in peace with everyone” (see Rom. 12:18).
There are at least 5 traits that prevent us from living peaceably.

I. FIRST, THERE ARE “WHINY, WHINY, WHINY PEOPLE”

God isn’t pleased with whiny people. The Scripture says, “ The people soon began to complain to the Lord about their hardships; and when the Lord heard them, his anger blazed against them. . . (Num. 11:1a, nlb).
Jesus said, “Stop grumbling among yourselves” (John 6:43, niv).

James said, “Do not complain, brethren, against one another, that you yourselves may not be judged . . ." (James 5:9, nas).

It’s easy to identify whiny people. These suffering martyrs play “Ain’t it awful” games, and have pity parties. They’re like the old hound-dog that howled all day. When someone asked the owner what was wrong, he replied, “He’s a-settin’ on a tack!” “Well, why doesn’t he get up?” the questioner inquired. “’Cause he’d rather howl,” the man explained.

Whiny people would rather howl. They don’t want to change. They don’t want answers. When you make a positive suggestion, they always tell you why it won’t work. Or, if you solve one problem, they’ll quickly find another one. They reject all advice and help.

So, how can we handle whiny people? It’s best to listen. Then you can explain how you dealt with a similar situation. Or you can jokingly agree and proceed to over-emphasize their point. For example, if they say, “This coffee is terrible.” Say, “Yeah, it’ll kill us in about an hour.” They’ll probably look surprised and say, “Oh, well, It’s not that bad!”

If all else fails, avoid whiny people, or just tune them out. Paul said, “Do everything without complaining or arguing” (Phil. 2:14, nlb).

II. SECOND, THERE ARE “TOUCHY, TOUCHY, TOUCHY PEOPLE.”

Again, this isn’t a Christian trait. Solomon said, “A person who quickly gets angry causes trouble, but a person who controls his temper stops a quarrel” (Prov. 15:18, edb).

The writer of Ecclesiastes said, “ Do not be quickly provoked in your spirit, for anger resides in the lap of fools” (Ecc. 7:9, niv).

Paul said, “Be patient with everyone” (I Thess. 5:14b, niv).

It’s easy to identify touchy people. These “thin-skinned,” overly sensitive individuals carry big chips on their shoulders. They get their feelings hurt. They need attention and pity. They enjoy being a victim. They get upset over imaginary insults. They take everything in a negative way. They constantly twist your words and accuse you of evil intentions. Every statement is seen as a slur or a put down. Even if you try to give a sincere compliment and say, “You really look nice today!” they’ll say, “Oh, you must mean I look awful most of the time!”

Such defensiveness causes everyone around them to walk on eggshells. So, how can we handle touchy people?
Well, don’t reward them by over apologizing for every imaginary slight. If their claims are totally off base, clarify briefly, insisting, “I didn’t say that!”

Tell them to give others the benefit of the doubt and help them to realize that they are not usually the target when someone says or does rude things in their presence. If this doesn’t work, just “consider the source,” and leave them alone. Paul said, “Don’t sin by letting anger gain control over you . . .” (Eph. 4:26a, nlb).

III. THIRD, THERE ARE “PICKY, PICKY, PICKY PEOPLE”

Many Scriptures forbid a critical spirit. Jesus said, “Why do you look at the speck that is in your brother's eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye?” (Matt. 7:3, nas).

Paul said, “You, therefore, have no excuse, you who pass judgment on someone else, for at whatever point you judge the other, you are condemning yourself, because you who pass judgment do the same things” (Rom. 2:1, niv).

He also said, “Remind the believers . . . to speak no evil about any, to live in peace with all, and to be gentle and polite to all” (Titus 3:1-2, edb).

Jesus went on to explain that the only person qualified to criticize others is one who has never sinned. “When they kept on questioning him, he said, ‘If anyone of you is without sin, let him be the first to throw a stone at her’ ” (John 8:7, niv).

In other words, nobody is qualified to criticize others. Even Jesus himself said, “I don’t judge anyone” (see John 8:15b).

Later he clarified his mission saying, “ I did not come to judge the world, but to save it” (John 12:47b, niv). This should also be our mission.

It’s easy to identify picky people. These smug, self-righteous hypocrites claim to know what’s best for everybody. They nit-pick and look for little flaws. For instance, a person could quote the entire Sermon On the Mount; but a critic would say, “He should have stood up straighter,” or “He mispronounced a word!”

They ignore great achievements and never give credit where it’s due. They are tactless and unkind. They have invalid priorities. A fallen child may have broken bones, but they would be concerned about the mud on his face. They lay “guilt-trips” on others and act superior.

So, how can we handle picky people. Well, since most nit-pickers are very insecure, they are really trying to raise themselves by putting others down. So show respect when possible. Also, help them apply the “Gnat Rule!” Jesus said, “You strain out a gnat but swallow a camel” (Matt. 23:24, niv).

They must learn what’s important enough to mention and what’s not. If a “nit-picker” won’t listen to reason, let them “pick!” Ignore them and realize it may just be a bad habit. James said, “Do not say bad things about your brother in Christ or judge him . . .” (James 4:11a, edb).

IV. FOURTH, THERE ARE SNEAKY, SNEAKY, SNEAKY PEOPLE.

These are very destructive individuals. Both Old and New Testaments give sharp commands against deceit and revenge. The Psalmist said, “Don’t drag me away with the wicked—with those who do evil—those who speak friendly words to their neighbors while planning evil in their hearts” (Psa. 28:3, nlb).

Paul said, “Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everybody” (Rom. 12:17, niv).

Peter said, “Don’t retaliate when people say unkind things about you. Instead, pay them back with a blessing. That is what God wants you to do, and he will bless you for it” (I Pet. 3:9, nlb).

It’s easy to identify sneaky people. These glib, silver-tongued operators will agree to anything and then sabotage the project. They promise, and then procrastinate. They conveniently “forget” to fulfill their responsibilities. They may be deliberately inefficient. They may “lose” important papers. You can’t depend on what they say.
Also, they hold grudges and will get revenge in hidden ways. One woman never openly disagreed with her controlling husband. For 40 years she seemed to be a meek submissive wife. After his death, someone asked her how she managed to be so patient. “Oh,” she smiled. “It was easy. You see every morning after he left for work, I dipped his toothbrush in the toilet.”

These sneaky passive/aggressive people will get you one way or another. So, how can we handle sneaky people?
Well, try to understand the reason for their behavior. Are they angry? Are they afraid to be honest? Have they been abused in the past?

Be open about your feelings. Say, “Did you mean to ridicule me?” Or, “I feel very frustrated when you don’t do what you say you’ll do.” If they won’t level with you, then refuse to “bite the bait!” When they use sarcasm, and put downs with subtle barbs, smile knowingly and hold your tongue or make a “computer-mode” comment. (This means you show no emotion). They are just trying to “push your buttons.” If you don’t respond, they’ll find another victim who will!

Jesus said, “Beware of false prophets who come disguised as harmless sheep, but are really wolves that will tear you apart” (Matt. 7:15, nlb).

V. FINALLY, THERE ARE PUSHY, PUSHY, PUSHY PEOPLE.

All of us should have a healthy self-interest, but as Christians, we are also here for others. Jesus said, “I do not seek My own will, but the will of Him who sent Me.” (John 5:30b, nas).

Paul said, “Don’t think only of your own good. Think of others . . . and what is best for them” (I Cor. 10:24, nlb).
Later, he said, “Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit . . . Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others” (Phil. 2:3-4, nlb).

It’s easy to identify pushy people. These selfish, overly aggressive, ego-centered individuals only look out for “number one.” They have a total disregard for those around them. They blame others for all their problems. Even worse, they won’t hesitate to manipulate and use their friends and associates to get what they want.

An athlete said, “Most Major League baseball pitchers keep a “black-list” in which they note the weaknesses of opposing batters. Then they use these vulnerabilities to trap and defeat them. Con-artists do that also. So, how can we handle pushy people?

It’s best to analyze their personalities and see where they are coming from. Sometimes these individuals are sick, or hurt, or just ignorant. If so, they can be helped. But be cautious! Jesus warned us about such people. He said, “Do not give what is holy to dogs, and do not throw your pearls before swine, lest they trample them under their feet, and turn and tear you to pieces” (Matt. 7:6, nas).

Often there is nothing you can do, but get out of the way. If a person doesn’t want to change, he won’t change and you can’t “fix” him.

Now, what have we learned? Well, I hope we’ve learned that Christians are not to be: whiny, touchy, picky, sneaky or pushy. Then, I hope we’ve also learned that there are productive ways to handle those difficult people who are.
For whiny ones, listen respectfully, only to a point and then tune them out.

For touchy ones, be sensitive to their complaints and clarify briefly, but don’t over apologize for imaginary slights.
For picky ones, encourage a more positive attitude. If that doesn’t work, ignore them.

For sneaky ones, understand their deep insecurities, but refuse to be a victim. If you do respond, use “computer mode,” unemotional statements

For pushy ones, analyze their motives, but be cautious and don’t hesitate to protect yourself.
Jesus did tell us to be as harmless as doves, but he also told us to be as wise as serpents. (See Matt. 10:16).

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(WC1816)
This issue of NEW PERSPECTIVES is from an unpublished manuscript © copyrighted 2008 by Miles and Maralene Wesner, Idabel, OK. PLEASE FEEL FREE TO USE THEM IN ANY WAY YOU THINK IS APPROPRIATE. The only thing we ask is that you give credit for original material in PUBLISHED works.

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