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THE BLESSING OF GRACE
Grandparent's Day

(Matthew 10:29-30)

Grace is an interesting theological term. It’s the heart of the gospel. It’s the one distinguishing characteristic of the Christian religion. Yet most people don’t realize that it’s also a basic psychological principle.

In the past, everyone assumed that to shape a person’s character, you needed to criticize their weaknesses and punish their mistakes. Therefore, parents, teachers, preachers and civil authorities tried to instill fear by using blame and threats. They rarely encouraged children to feel good about themselves because, then they might not be as vigilant about their behavior. Ministers majored on sin and eternal damnation, and emphasized human depravity and worthlessness.

Scriptures were quoted to support this belief system: David said, “I was shapen in iniquity; and in sin did my mother conceive me” (Psa. 51:5).

Isaiah said, “All we like sheep have gone astray . . .” (Isa. 53:6);

Daniel said, “We have sinned, and have committed iniquity, and have done wickedly . . .” (Dan. 9:5);

Paul said, “As by one man sin entered into the world, and death by sin; and so death passed upon all men, for that all have sinned” (Rom. 5:12).

Now, harsh methods of discipline were used in a sincere attempt to build a better world. The only problem was, they didn’t work. So, when Jesus came he turned these teachings upside down. John said, “For the law was given through Moses; grace and truth came through Jesus Christ” (John 1:17, niv).

Jesus knew the secret of the “personal thermostat.” He knew that children develop a “set point” of value at an early age; and then continue to live up or down to that basic self-image for the rest of their lives.

You see, if we feel one way and behave another way, this sets up a dissonance that can’t be sustained. One or the other must change. We will either begin to act as we believe, or we will begin to believe as we act.

In other words, if we believe we are bad, we will act accordingly. If we believe we are good, we will act accordingly. That’s why self-esteem is so crucial. Jesus emphasized our value. He said, “Are not two sparrows sold for a penny ? Yet not one of them will fall to the ground apart from the will of your Father. So don't be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows” (Matt. 10:29,31);

He identified us as God’s sons and daughters (see Matt. 5:9);

He claimed us as his equals. “Whoever does the will of my Father in heaven is my brother and sister . . .” (Matt. 12:50).

Paul still had issues with the old derogatory teachings. When he was depressed, he said, “For the good that I would I do not: but the evil which I would not, that I do. O wretched man that I am! who shall deliver me from the body of this death?” (Rom. 7:15,17-19;24);

But he also understood grace: He said, “I myself am convinced, my brothers, that you yourselves are full of goodness, complete in knowledge and competent to instruct one another” (Rom. 15:14).

Later he said, “God raised us up with Christ and seated us with him in the heavenly realms . . . For it is by grace you have been saved . . .” (Eph. 2:3-8).

So we see that even though grace was emphasized by Jesus over 2000 years ago, it’s only recently that psychology and sociology have discovered its value.

The point is clear. Threats and punishment do not produce positive changes. The very opposite is true. We become how we’re regarded and treated. A woman thought a certain bedspread was ugly. She said, “I had bought it at a garage sale for $3.00, but I said, ‘Yuk,’ each time I made the bed and wished I could afford better.

Then, one day, I was leafing through a catalog. There was that bedspread with a well known designer name. The price was, $195.00. Suddenly, when I discovered how much it was worth, the thing took on a new beauty.”
Likewise, once we felt, “Yuk!” every time we evaluated ourselves. We wished we could be better, prettier, richer or thinner. But when we discover our value, as God’s children, it changes everything. We suddenly realize our beauty and worth; and more importantly, we begin to live up to that identity.

A teacher was on vacation in Tennessee. As he ate lunch, one day, an elderly gentleman came by and spoke. When he learned the man was a teacher, he said, “I’ve got a good story for you.” Pointing out the window, he continued, “see that mountain over there? Not far from the base of that mountain, there was a boy born to an unwed mother. He had a hard time growing up, because every place he went, he was always asked the same question, ‘Hey boy, who’s your daddy?’ Whether he was at school, in the grocery store or ball park, people would ask, ‘Who’s your daddy?’

He hid at recess from other students. He avoided public events because the question hurt him so much. When he was about 12 years old, a new preacher came to his church. The boy would always go in late and slip out early to avoid hearing the question, ‘Son, who’s your daddy?’

But, one day, he had to walk out with the crowd. When he got to the door, the new preacher, not knowing anything about him put his hand on his shoulder and asked, ‘Son, who’s your daddy?’ The whole church got deathly quiet. He could feel every eye looking at him. The preacher instantly sensed the problem and said to the scared little boy. ‘Wait a minute! I know who you are. I see the family resemblance now. You’re a child of God.’
He patted the boy on the shoulder and said, ‘Son, you’ve got a great inheritance. Go and claim it.’

That boy smiled and walked out of the church a changed person. He was never the same again. Whenever anybody asked him, ‘Who’s your Daddy?’ he’d just tell them, ‘I’m a child of God.’

The distinguished gentleman got up from the table and said, ‘Isn’t that a great story?’ Then, as he turned to leave, he added, ‘You know, if that preacher hadn’t told me that I was one of God’s children, I probably would never have amounted to anything!’ ”

The professor was stunned. He called the waitress over and asked, “Do you know that man who just left?” The waitress grinned and said, “Of course! Everybody here knows him. That’s Ben Hooper, the former governor of Tennessee!”

Many of us need to be reminded that we are the Children of God. Grandparents can do that.
For their book “The power of a Godly Grandparent,” authors Stephen and Janet Bly asked grandchildren, “If you could change one thing about your relationship with your grandparents, what would it be?” Ninety percent of the children replied, “I’d have Grandma and Grandpa live closer so we could spend more time together.” The remaining 10 percent already lived near their grandparents. This survey shows the importance of grandparents in children’s lives.

A child’s grandparents and great-grandparents represent hundreds of years of life experiences. These are too valuable to waste. Furthermore, grandparents give children the blessing of grace. They always believe the best about them. They are short on criticism and long on love.

Someone said, “If a baby is beautiful, perfect, never cries or fusses, sleeps on schedule, burps on demand and is an angel virtually all the time, then you’re a grandma.”

The poem, “Grandmother,” by Kathryn Blackburn Peck says:

Oh, Grandmother’s years have been rich and long.
The battles she faced have just made her strong.
The griefs that have come like a stormy sea
Have given her patience and sympathy.
No wonder when hearts are about to burst,
The child always goes to his Grandma first!
Then Grandmother takes your small trembling hand
She kisses and whispers, “I understand.”
You cry there together a little while,
And that seems to help, and you somehow smile.
So now, when I’m praying, I seldom seek
For wisdom to translate the ancient Greek;
Instead, I just pray for a touch of grace–
The kind that has shined on Grandmother’s face.
—Adapted by Maralene Wesner.
(WC1380)
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This issue of NEW PERSPECTIVES is from an unpublished manuscript © copyrighted 2008 by Miles and Maralene Wesner, Idabel, OK. PLEASE FEEL FREE TO USE THEM IN ANY WAY YOU THINK IS APPROPRIATE. The only thing we ask is that you give credit for original material in PUBLISHED works.

Miles E Wesner